Rather that equip you with useful information about how to cross the deepest lake in Europe, I thought it most pertinent to focus mostly on myths about the monster.

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The Loch Ness monster is a cryptozoological creature brought to worldwide attention in 1933 when George Spicer and his wife spotted "the nearest approach to a dragon or pre-historic animal that I have ever seen in my life" trundling across the road toward the loch with an animal in its mouth. The Daily Express then published pictures, the Secretary of State for Scotland ordered police to prevent any attacks on it and the Daily Mail hired a famous big-game hunter named Marmaduke Wetherell (what a fantastic name) to find the monster. All Marmaduke found was the animal’s tracks, which turned out to actually be made by someone with a dried hippo's foot umbrella stand. Tricked and humiliated, Wetherell retreated from public view and later helped fake the famous ‘surgeons photo’ (below) in an attempt to regain credibility.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       

                            A Hippo print                         Nessie - who actually has no feet because he is a toy submarine

 

 

In the early 21st century, it is estimated that Nessies fame contributed nearly $80 million annually to Scotland’s economy,

 

But back to the Loch itself. You may be wondering what the difference between a Loch and a Lake is and whether this may influence your approach to the crossing. Well, while very similar a lake and a loch differ vastly in the way they are spelt. Loch Ness is particularly special in that it contains more fresh H2O than all of the lakes in England and Wales combined, largely due to its extraordinary depth, 230 m or 126 fathoms to be precise. I cannot even fathom that amount of fathoms, so for those of you who aren’t strong swimmers and are shorter than 230 meters, you won’t be able to touch the bottom and maybe this part is not for you. The loch is also pretty long at 23 miles, so we decided to swim across it, a leisurely 1.5 mile paddle, rather than attempt a distance greater than crossing the English channel. In July 1966, Brenda Sherratt became the first person to swim the length of the loch. It took her 31 hours and 27 minutes. She is a much more extreme athlete and generally all round better person than you will ever be. So here is a map of where to swim across between and little shore area on the south bank to Urquhart Castle, a 13th century fort which is worth a visit.

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------------------------ACTUALLY RELEVANT INFORMATION--------------------------

There isn’t a great deal of info on swimming across the Loch on the internet. So I guess I should provide you with some tips and tricks on tackling the traverse. It gets windy, choppy and cold there. So treat it more like swimming in the sea than a tepid, tranquil brook. And I mean the cold grey British sea, not the clear balmy waters of the Med, so wear a wet suit. The Loch is also busy with boats, ferrying tourists and fishing for fish. So have a safety boat with you, a canoe will do. This will mean you can get out if you get too cold or too tired thus significantly reducing your chances of drowning. It’s also difficult to see a swimmer or distinguish them from otters, seals, manatees or mermaids. So a safety boat will also reduce your chances of being run over, mangled by a propeller or getting caught in a fisherman’s net and finding yourself fried up for Fridays fish supper.